Jimmy Hank and Kitty Chicken

Sunday October 15th (Pumpkin Madness):

This week started off fairly typically. Mom and Dad dressed me up like an idiot and took me out in public. It’s clear their aim is to alienate me from society by making me the butt of jokes and the subject of pointing and staring. However, every time I poop one of them runs over and cleans my rear; so I think they know who’s in charge.

This time we went pumpkin picking with our friends, Jake and Jen. Click on the photo for a link to their blog about yours truly…

Monday October 16th (Evil Tape Gun):

You know what’s evil? This thing:

How’s a guy to get a solid 18 hours of sleep with that thing screaming all day?

Tuesday October 17th (Speaking of Boxes…):

Dad put everything we own in boxes today. Mom and I went to my very first gynecological visit. Here’s a picture:

Wednesday October 18th (They Stole All Our Stuff):

Everything’s gone. I fell asleep while three strange men were casing our joint and when I woke up it was all gone…
I didn’t get their names, but I have a good description of them: they were taller than me and sweaty. One them had hair. Plus, they should be pretty easy to track down in that huge truck.

Since those three ne’er-do-wells made off with our beds, we had to stay at a hotel tonight. It was my first ever night in a hotel…so that was pretty exciting…I guess.

Thursday October 19th (Going Nowhere):

We spent all day packing the car with our remaining possessions today. We were supposed to hit the road, but instead we didn’t. We did eat dinner with Jake and Jen at the Outback Steakhouse, though. I was still full from all the boob I had earlier, so I just napped in my car seat.

Friday October 20th (New Jersey Smells Funny):

I’m on my very first road trip!! Here’s a picture of a rest area in New Jersey. The trees were beautiful and I got out of my car seat. It was the best road trip, ever.

It ’s several hours later and we’ve gone dozens of miles down the road. Mom and Dad seem excited that we have arrived at this restaurant called Cracker Barrel. The people inside were behaving oddly. They kept inquiring if my parents were satisfied with their food or if there was something they could do for us. Mom explained that this is called “customer service.” Being a New Yorker by birth, I’ve of course never heard of this phenomenon.

This road trip was ridiculously exciting for the first few hours…now my seat straps are uncomfortable and I’ve barfed all over myself. Great.

Thank god it’s finally over. I can’t believe we are moving to Fredricksburg, Virginia, but here we are. I’m so glad to be out of that tiny car seat I am going to sleep spread-eagle all night.

Saturday October 21st (I’ve Got a Paci Up My Butt and My Left Sock is Missing):

Okay, so the road trip is NOT over, apparently. We got back in the car today and drove for many more hours. Here’s a photo of my reaction when they told me I’d have to get back in the iron maiden. Just off camera I am giving a New York style hand gesture…

Here’s a pic from some hillbilly backwater hole in South Carolina. My Dad sure seemed excited to have found this place. Fool. I was just glad he picked me up out of the hell throne, so I could finally crap my pants. What? I’ve got a nervous colon; I can’t just go while we’re driving…

Sunday October 22nd (Wow. This Was Totally Not Worth It.):

Well, we finally made it. Since I’m not going back in that car, this must be where I live now.

I met a couple more of family members. Here’s my grandpa. My Dad calls him “Doc.” I’m guessing he’s named after one of the seven dwarves. Apparently everyone in Florida is 5′ 3″. When I grow up, I shall rule this land as a benevolent dictator, dealing out justice to the tiny masses with my massively huge brain.

I also met my Aunt Paige who, besides looking a little bit like Mom, also has food dispensers. I think I like her…and her food dispensers. Incidentally, she is also 5′ 3″.

Well, that was a week in my life. While those 8 days may sound boring to you; they make up about 20% of my ENTIRE life, so lay off!!

Piglet Out.